authentic, Being different, inspiring, lifestyle

Unrealistic Expectations in Life

Unrealistic expectations can come in many ways – imposed on us by ourselves or other people. There are times it can be our understanding of others that is incorrect, but we have the power to change all that. We can discover the real truth of where our and other people’s abilities are. This can bring such peace into our lives.

So let’s start with our comprehension of what we can and cannot do. Are we realistic? Do we push ourselves beyond our abilities which leads to burnout and prevents us from enjoying others and fulfilling the purpose in our lives? Or have we been accepting a lower standard and not allowed ourselves to function properly? I must admit I have been guilty of both ends of this spectrum. While we do either, we do not have a truthful viewpoint of ourselves.

And where do we stand with other people? Do we attempt to encourage them to perform to the best of their ability? Or are we happy with a lower standard for them? Sometimes we have false expectations of others as well as ourselves. Again, I am not saying I am proficient in finding the correct balance in this area, but that it is possible to do so. If you want the best for others, gentle encouragement is the right way to go. There is no need to push others beyond that which they are capable of, but you can enjoy seeing them blossom as they begin to believe in themselves.

Sometimes we believe that other people are judging us and what we do. This may not be the case, but this reveals our own insecurities and people pleasing tendencies. But the reality of the case may be completely contrary to our understanding. We can think others judge us by a harsh standard because we are hard on ourselves but our comprehension can be totally different if we take our courage in our hands and ask what their expectations are.

Knowing what you want to accomplish in life is an excellent place to begin mapping out the treasure you can obtain. If you start with knowledge of the end point and the length of time you wish it to take, you can work out what you need to do between then and now. But you must be realistic about yourself and your abilities. If you push yourself too hard and too fast or don’t give yourself enough credit as to exactly what you can achieve, you can always adjust your expectations accordingly.

My life has changed distinctly for the better since I have been working with a life coach. She has been gently prodding me to accomplish more and believe in myself and my abilities. Without God having placed her in my life, I would not have had the courage to begin fulfilling the purpose I know He has for our family. Is it easy? No. Can it be done? Of course. You need to have people surrounding you that believe in you when you don’t and show you what you are capable of. Having a false expectation of yourself and others can cause such difficulties for you. But you can change all that.

If you need someone rooting for you, go find a friend, family member or even a coach that does, regardless of your own expectations. Your abilities, purpose and passion do matter. You can make positive changes to your life no matter what it throws at you. So please, do think about this. Work out what you need and begin to make the necessary adjustments. If this has caused you to think about where you are now and where you would like to be, I am glad. Your life is important and you can make a difference in the world if you believe in yourself.

authentic, Lifestyle

Being authentic

I must admit, it’s not always easy to be authentic. Sometimes we just don’t want to be visible as we are. Other times we want to be more like others and live the dream that they have. The idea of being your true, real self seems a dream or a nightmare depending on what way you view it.

For most of my life, I wasn’t authentic with very many. In fact, very few people knew who I was, what I wanted or how I would like things. To be honest with you, I didn’t have a clue about myself either. I did know a couple of things about myself – one was that I lived with pain and would love to have energy, the second was that I couldn’t live up to anyone’s expectations, least of all my own!

When I moved to Scotland, one of the big things that I wanted to accomplish was discovering who I was. How that was going to look in reality, I had literally no idea! What did I like and what did I want? If you had asked me those questions when I first arrived, I would have looked at you blankly and said, Not a clue!

Meeting Kevin online was one of the best things that happened in my new, unawakened self. We could ask each other questions, wait for the replies and take time over our responses. When we first met in person, we knew so much about each other already, we didn’t need any introductions but were able to settle into a very comfortable friendship straight away and felt like we had known each other for years.

I think in those early years, Kevin knew a lot more about me than I knew about myself. Now I am beginning to know myself and what I like and don’t like. At one point, I went to an art group just for something to do and discovered that actually I could do art. In fact, it was something I could enjoy. Over the years, my focus in my artistic endeavours has shifted. I have discovered I do not enjoy creating traditional pieces. But you know what? That’s ok.

Being authentic or real with myself has led me to discover surprising things. They may or may not be what i expect, but learning about yourself is an ever evolving process. As things change in your life, so do your interests and habits.

One thing I did wonder was if I actually enjoyed reading or if it was just something I did as a child and young adult but wasn’t really something I actually enjoyed. Now I can say that although I like reading, it’s not the be all and end all of my existence as it used to be.

Religion (or lack of it) can often be a stumbling block to many a marriage or any kind of relationship. When Kevin and I got together, we went to each other’s churches. He was Catholic and I thought maybe I was Pentecostal but again something I wasn’t certain of. It took me a number of years to realise that actually Catholicism held the answers that I had been searching for all my life.

You might be wondering why I am telling you all this. I thought it was a weird topic to tackle, but on and off throughout the day I have seen or heard something about being authentic. I was going to go to sleep but then realised instead of a poem, this was what was in my mind and before I could sleep, I needed to write all this down.

Authenticity of person in any area of your life is great, but none more needed in today’s business world. You can be the cookie cutter type and do things the way someone else has done or you can carve out your own path.

Living and journeying in your own unique way will prove to everyone that you are as real in life as online. Yes, this might be scary, but that’s ok. It can be scary to let people know the real you, warts and all. Trying to hide the truth not only from yourself, but also from others never ends well.

Being open and authentic doesn’t mean that you have to tell people what you have for breakfast, lunch and dinner every day. If you want to and meals and the preparation of them is important to you, that’s ok, then go do it. But not everyone wants to do this. For me, it would be my idea of hell, but someone else finds it their piece of heaven.

There are so many facets in life and one area does not make the whole person. We are not one-dimensional people. Everyone has a passion for life in a different way. We are all unique individuals. I couldn’t work magic on computers like my husband Kevin and I certainly am not a market trader. If I was selling in the market, I would find it just as boring as working with computers. Neither of them ignite my passion.

So what is your passion? In order to live that life of authenticity, it is good to know. Living a lie doesn’t help you, those around you or those who will find you in the future. Being real about who you are and your likes and dislikes is a good place to start. Once you begin to discover who you really are, you can then live a much clearer and concise life because that will reveal to others what the real, authentic you is.

Is there anything about being authentic that I have missed or you would have added? Please feel free to let me know.




Fear or Love

Fear or love

In our daily living, we operate from one of two basic principles. One is a place of fear and the other is a place of love. Both are powerful and bring you good or bad feelings. My past was not a happy one and I was mostly fearful.

When I moved to Scotland, I came here alone with my cat. There was much love both to and from Mia. However, the basis on which I moved was from a fear perspective. And I thought I was running away. But the fact is, what I did was brave. Not many people have the courage to move away and start a new life.

Fear can be a motivator or a paralyser. You get the flight, fight or freeze reaction when you live and work from a fear basis. When you are determined to get out of the position you are in, that is the flight reaction. The need is to get away from a situation and that’s ok. However, if you do flee, remember that you always take yourself with you. You cannot escape from yourself and your personality and character. You are what you are.

Love came to me unexpectedly after I arrived in Scotland. I wanted to meet people here and start to make friends. So I went online and made a friend who later became my husband. If you want to know the honest truth, I didn’t want to have a partner or get married when I moved here but God had different plans for me than I had for myself.

Sometimes although I want to live and function in love, there are times and situations where my reaction is fear. Fear from the past, fear of the present and the future. But I try to change the thought patterns that bring the crippling fear to me.

Love is the opposite of fear and can bring you peace, healing, restoration, joy and transformation. This is what I would love for myself and you surely do as well. I want to know that things are ok and God will bless us. That doesn’t mean everything will go well in your life and you won’t have troubles.

Kevin and I have five babies in heaven and yes these were hard to go through. But you know what? We love all of them and when we think of them, both Kevin and I try and come from a place of the fact we love them.

Sometimes people can operate from fear when life takes an unexpected downturn for whatever reason. They can feel guilt and shame or they can remember they are blessed and that things will work out. Being grateful for what you have when a situation like this happens is the beginning of operating in love.

Love is gentle and kind and gratitude can fill your soul when you look at the world around you and the beauty and intricacies of nature. We are not here by accident, we are here for a purpose. Finding your purpose and passion and changing your life to begin to live by love can bring about a wonderful transformation for you. I am beginning to see changes in myself as I work on personal development. Love is such a pure place to begin from.

When you study your life, do you know if you are living in fear or love? When I find myself going back to fear, I try to quiet those voices and consciously live in love. I’m not saying it’s easy to change your mindset but you can begin today. It doesn’t matter if you fall, what is important is when and how you pick yourself up. So where are you right now? I would love to hear and have the opportunity to encourage you to live life to the fullest.


Life Changes

Many years ago, I moved from England to Scotland. It was quite a sudden move and it wasn’t until months or even years later I began to realise and understand what the differences are between my old life and my new. I had believed there were people who were there for me and would be and support me no matter what happened. However, I began to discover this actually wasn’t true.

After I arrived in Scotland and began to settle in to my new life, I realised I wanted to meet other people and make new friends so that I could begin to replace the people from my past. Also I decided to change my name. This was something very important to me. I wanted to have a new name that would signify what I wanted in my new life. The meaning was so integral to my future that I ensured I went through the whole process of doing it legally and not just privately among the new people I found myself with.

Having lived the frenetic pace that belongs to London workers I thought things would be similar but didn’t comprehend the slower pace of life that I would discover in Scotland. I had no idea that this was even possible. The way things changed so quickly in some ways and slow in others was all I had ever really known. When people talked about traffic on the M8, I was laughing to myself thinking of the M25!

Meeting my future husband was one of the best things that happened to me. He helped me to realise that there really could be someone who was there for me. Through our marriage we have lived through 5 pregnancy losses and one son that survived and is doing well now at nearly 4 years old. We have been there for each other through thick and thin. Both of us support each other in good and bad times. Our family unit may be small but the love we share has seen us through many things.

Kevin and I are both disabled and we have had our medical ups and downs in that time. Mine is a condition that varies, Kevin’s is one that will degenerate as time goes on. Yet we do what we can to live an excellent life and provide for our son. We ensure he gets out and discovers the world around him and sees different people in his life. Our disabilities will never hold our son back in life.

Before I met Kevin, my whole life was spent trying not to let people know how disabled I really was. I was meant to conform and be alive and active and capable, no matter how I suffered. This is not realistic and often I was lonely and isolated. Some people knew what I went through, but now I only have 2 friends left from my past. Kevin’s attitude was to live the best life you can, but not at the expense of your health. I found this to be a much more realistic way to live.

Part of the discovery I have made in this section of my life is that I am creative. Not only in my writing but also in art. Now when I moved to Scotland I knew I could write poems and actually have 4 published in different books. I had assumed that the artwork I would create would be the traditional type. However, I have discovered I am much better at abstract and geometric art. This was a complete surprise to me but it is something that satisfies my soul in a way that traditional art did not.

Blogging is part of my life now and I am also looking at writing some books. Ever since I have known Kevin, he has encouraged me in any and every endeavour I attempted. My journey of discovery has led to finding myself as a person, meeting new friends and finding a life coach who understands me and helps me grow and develop my passions.

My life has changed dramatically but definitely for the better. Conformity is no longer an issue and I may have few friends but they really are friends. Every person’s journey is different but there are some things that will always be the same. No matter what your journey in life, there will be something that defined you as a person, where your life completely transformed. Where did your life change? I would be interested in knowing something of your story.