My First Night with Johnathan

The first night Johnathan was born, I lay there watching that tiny baby, swaddled in a blanket and wondered at the beauty and joy of having a live baby here, in this world. After four difficult pregnancy losses, my dream had finally come true and I had a live baby in the room with me.

Final Weeks of Pregnancy

The pregnancy was a nightmare from start to finish. It was a hot year for Scotland and the bigger I was, the less able I was to cope with the heat. Every morning I needed to eat mashed potato and parmesan cheese. This was the way I conquered the sickness that I felt throughout the pregnancy. It helped me get through the day.

I went into hospital at 30 weeks and there I stayed for the rest of the pregnancy. The staff was very kind and I was in the second largest room because of my disability. Kevin and Natalie and I had stayed together in the largest room when she was stillborn.

I had pregnancy diabetes which is apparently quite common after a pregnancy loss. I felt fortunate that I didn’t have to inject myself with Insulin and the excess fluid hindered my breathing. By the time I reached 35 weeks, I was at the end of my tether, physically and mentally.

So the consultant said that they would get this baby out. Initially, they needed to give me injections to expand the baby’s lungs over a couple of days. We had lost Natalie, our stillborn daughter at 35 weeks. I went through 12 hours of induced labour to be told the baby was in the same position and I had to have a c-section.

Seeing Johnathan for the First Time

When they showed me the baby, I just took one look at his face and said “That’s Johnathan.” Kevin and I had said if the baby was a boy, he would be either Johnathan Christopher or Christopher Johnathan. Finally my rainbow baby (a baby born after a pregnancy loss) was here.

I did not want to take my eyes off him or sleep for one second. Every little noise I was bobbing up and down. The nurses came in to feed him that night because he needed bottles as his blood sugar was dropping and they needed to get a certain amount of food into him in a certain amount of time. When they came in, they told me I should be asleep and getting my rest because the baby would have me up a lot and I needed to recover from the section.

I didn’t want to lose any precious time in sleep so that I couldn’t focus on this small miracle in my room. They had swaddled him so that all I could see was this little face with his eyes closed in sleep. That didn’t matter to me, I just wanted to stare at those tiny, perfect features on his face. Was he more like me or more like Kevin? It didn’t really matter. He was all and everything to me there and then. God had heard our prayers and blessed us with a child at last. A small boy that we could love and cherish.

You may think things are impossible, but I want to tell you things work out. He is 5 and 1/2 years old now, ready to start school.

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