I actually surprised myself yesterday. Not in the fact that I went to an art therapy day, but the actual difference that it made to me. In this piece, I want to tell you what one of them is.
One of the things that really helped me was that I could actually see how far on I was in the mindset work that I have been doing.
Amanda said right at the start, she goes into school and the pupils all bring work to her and ask if “it’s right” or “good” etc. None of them feel satisfied with her response that if they like it, that’s the important point.
One of the problems with education I feel is that children are so focused on getting it “right” or “correct.”
That when it comes to a more imaginative topic like art where there is no right or wrong it’s what you like that’s important, they can’t get their heads around it.
Don’t get me wrong – I’ve been educated myself (with a BA and an MA) and I believe in education and its ability to help you do work and earn money. It’s a good thing, but, as with every good thing, there are some drawbacks or negatives. And that’s ok. It teaches you skills you need in later life.
But not everything in life is so cut and dried as to have a right or wrong.
With art, everyone has an opinion and some people will like what you do, others won’t. There are different styles of art, you can mix and match materials, shape, size etc. So as long as you do what is enjoyable and means something to you, that’s the important point.
Any art is an expression of yourself and so part of your life. And you are not incorrect or correct – or totally good or bad. What you are is you!
I had quite a surprise this week – a nice one actually. Johnathan told me that he had been chosen to be on the school council. He told me that the teacher had chosen him, but when I spoke to the deputy’s head he told me that it was the children who had chosen Johnathan.
Because they recognized his natural leadership skills.
Wow! What a contrast between the boy who wouldn’t talk to anyone in the nursery to a boy that his classmates recognized his natural leadership skills!
Anyway, natural leadership skills? I hadn’t even realized he HAD any.
I mean, I know he likes to take care of and help children younger than him and he is desperate for a sibling, but a leader? Do you know something? I think he hasn’t yet realized all that he can do.
At the moment, he is struggling with his writing. We have tried all the different grips and things you can get that go on to pencils and some pens but they aren’t helping him enough. He is still complaining about pain in his hand when he writes. I know he has a strong enough grip. He can break squeezy toys with no trouble in a day or two unless they are REALLY well made.
I’m going to tell you something that very few of you probably know.
There are actually hypermobility pencils that are shaped differently!
We know he has got it, but we didn’t realize that it could impact his hand in writing. The school is going to buy one in to see if it works and if not we will have to look at sloping desks. But he can’t use them in school unless an OT says he needs one. The doctor has ruled out the other things it could be and says he thinks it is the hypermobility.
So we are going to try this with him and see if it works. The takeaway from this is, if your child is struggling with something, there are different things you can try to help them. Don’t give up after one or two. The answer is there, waiting for you to find. It may uncover something that you didn’t know and help with other things.
I saw an incident yesterday that left me totally moved. Now that’s not to say I don’t find other things difficult but this for was deeply unsettling.
Johnathan and I had been to the doctor and we came outside to see an elderly gentleman being told to get out of the car. He was protesting that he needed help. The younger couple in the car with him ended up having to help him up. They then sat him on his walker for a little rest. Then she told him to get up and walk in as he was late for an appointment.
The elderly gentleman was obviously distraught as he continued saying he couldn’t do it and she was insisting that he could! I called over and the younger man came towards the car window I had pulled down. I said to him that he could get a manual chair from inside the doctor’s surgery.
He assured me that he could walk because it was all in his head. They all knew he was just lazy. He had been lying in a hospital bed for 9 weeks and now he refused to walk because he was lazy and didn’t want to help himself. The doctors had said there was nothing wrong but he was choosing to be like this.
I think the difficulty comes when people don’t understand what “all in your head” actually means.
You see, it didn’t matter if it was in his head or not. The fact is that he believed it so his body was doing it.
As we were leaving Johnathan asked me why an old man would choose to be lazy and I explained to him that it wasn’t what he chose to do but his brain was telling him he couldn’t do it.
It actually made me stop and think how fortunate I was when this happened to me 9 years ago.
I had an understanding husband who supported me. And a physio who also did and basically taught me how to walk again in the 8 weeks I was in the hospital.
Without that help and support, I would not have coped with life and I’m sad to see that things like this still go on. What do you think?
One of the things you generally know about autistic children is that they don’t cope well with changes or transitions.
And yesterday I inadvertently caused a major problem with my son.
I was having a bad day with my breathing and so instead of making the effort of putting in the work of getting the wheelchair in and out the car twice (so four times in total), I decided to go by wheelchair.
You see, when Johnathan first started school, I thought I would go either by car or by wheelchair whenever I either picked him up or took him in. However, I’m not actually sure I chatted about that with Johnathan. I certainly did with Kevin and his parents, but I just don’t remember doing it with Johnathan.When you haveWhenW
With autistic children, you cannot just introduce change.
They will react in the most negative fashion imaginable. My son decided he was going to bounce up and down on my knees as I sat in the wheelchair and scream and flap his hands.
Well, I say decide but it wasn’t actually a choice he made – it was an instinctive reaction to hearing that not only did he have to transition between school and home, he had to do so in a way that he was not expecting or anticipating.
One of my friends managed to show him that he was hurting me. They got him to calm down a bit and get him off my lap. I had been pushing him with all my might to get him off me, but he was fighting back. My word, he is strong! Im fact, I would go so far as to say that he is getting to the stage where he will actually be stronger than me.
When we got home, Kevin told him off for his behaviour at the school. Then, let him know that Mummy, now, would not be able to cook the dinner he wanted. His actions had led to the fact that I was in so much pain I was having to take extra painkillers and put my compression gloves on my hand to help. Unfortunately, when my hands are bad, I tend to drop anything much heavier than a cup. So making dinner was out of the question for me.
Realising My Mistake
In the morning I was chatting online via messenger to a friend. She asked me what I knew about change and autistic people. She pointed out that I had introduced a substantial change without warning. Really, he had just reacted badly to it.
As soon as she said it, I realised that she was correct and that I had behaved in an unfair way to Johnathan.
He wasn’t expecting to walk home. Nobody had prepared him to recognise that if I came in the wheelchair and not the car it was because I had to in order to be able to collect him after school.
So really it wasn’t actually his fault for behaving the way he had. He was reacting to a sudden, unexpected change and unfortunately for me, it was a bad reaction as he was not anticipating walking home when he saw me.
I am so glad that I was able to apologise to Johnathan and that he was able to accept it. He needs to know if a big, sudden change is about to happen and be prepared.
Lesson learned for next time. Make sure he has plenty of warning.
Don’t suddenly introduce something new. This is the start of his school life and he needs the familiarity of knowing what is going to happen.
Do you have a situation like this where you learned a lesson about someone else? It’s not easy to come back from it, but you can always go and apologise. You can recognise where you need to change what you do.