Accepting Beautiful

The other day one of my friends put in her group “He calls me beautiful one.” She was referring to how God thinks about us. It made me feel really good inside thinking about it.

Actually, it reminds me of when I first came up to Scotland and met Kevin.

When he first started to tell me how beautiful I was, I really tried to push the thought away. I probably pushed Kevin away with it too. In fact, one of the first times he said it to me was after emergency surgery when we had been together just 3 weeks. I was lying in the hospital bed, being sick. He was holding the sick bowl and stroking my hair and telling me I was so beautiful.

At the time, I was just unaccepting of anything positive about myself. And although I realised that it meant he really loved me but I still didn’t believe him. He would refer to me as his beautiful bride on our wedding day and say that I deserved things. I still didn’t want to believe it.

Many a time I would even stop him from saying it because I seriously just didn’t want to believe it.

Over the years, as I have started working on my confidence and self-esteem, I have begun to believe it. In fact, when I saw the post yesterday, I just had a warm glow in my heart to know and accept that God loved me and called me beautiful.

I wasn’t trying to push the knowledge away anymore.

So wonderful to see and realise that the work I have done on myself has not been in vain. I have come to a place where I believe what is said to me and don’t push it away anymore. It’s not been a fast process, but you know what?

That’s ok.


Never Giving Up And Asking for Help

“But I can’t do it, Mummy! It’s too hard.” I tried to reassure Johnathan that it wasn’t too hard and that he could do it. We would do it together. Then he responded with “But I can’t do it at home.” Eventually, he agreed to do the next time with me.

And you know what? This is like you and me. I am sure there are times that we think things are too hard and difficult for us to do. And we turn out to be right. What we say we can’t do, we don’t. We give up. And this is true for all of us.

But things can be different.

You don’t have to do it alone. Someone else can help you get things you need to be done, done. You don’t have to know everything. In fact, even if you were the biggest genius in the world, you still wouldn’t.

Now that’s not to say that everybody can do everything that somebody else does. I love the fact that we are all born with gifts and talents that we can share with the world. But you can perceive tasks and jobs in front of you as “too difficult” or “too hard” and just give up.

Now you have two choices in front of you.

Do you want to ask somebody for help and see things in a different way? Or are you just giving up?

One of the values in the new school Johnathan is going to is teaching children how to try and not give up. Sometimes you can do it yourself, while other times you do it with someone else. Of course, if it’s not what you have a talent for you will find it more difficult but with help and support, you can achieve.

So are you giving up? Or are you going to ask for help and achieve?

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Peaceful Purple

Peace comes at a price, don’t you think?  I mean it involves not only your imagination but your spiritual, physical, mental and emotional well being.  In fact, it filters to every part of your life.

Today I wasn’t being particularly peaceful.  I couldn’t understand what was happening in my body.  The last few days have been brilliant for me, and I knew I wasn’t falling into a full-blown flare-up of my fibromyalgia.  Now I am well aware that fibromyalgia encompasses the mind as well as the body.  But that didn’t quite seem to fit.  Or maybe it was the weather, which was rainy and could have accounted for it.

Anyway, after discussing with Kevin what could be wrong, he asked me one simple question – Did you take your tablets this morning?  I immediately said yes of course but then I suddenly remembered that actually, I hadn’t.  The morning had started off unusually with Johnathan waking just after 6 am.  So we had to get up and start getting ourselves ready for the day and with the change in routine I just hadn’t remembered.

Today’s Difference

Now a few months/years ago I would have beaten myself up for it mentally.  I would have put the blame firmly on my shoulders and told myself horrible and nasty things.  Now if you want to have peace in your life, this is not the way to get it.

I knew that if I wanted to have peace today, I would have to stop the self-blaming and condemnation because that doesn’t get you anywhere.  Today is the day where I normally write the blog post I have in mind.  I had tried 3 different ways of talking about peace without success.

The fact is that when you are in pain and your head feels mushy there is no way you can function at a peaceful level – the only thing you can do is try to mitigate the pain.  Every disabled person has their tried and tested methods to help themselves, but nothing worked for me this morning.

My body is still trying to recover but it is now peaceful in every way while I allow my tablets to do their job and get me out of the pain I had inadvertently put on myself.  My mind, soul, body, and emotions are all returning to their usual states and the fact I know the pain will die down is a tremendous and peaceful blessing.

Different Causes of Peacelessness

But it doesn’t have to be pain that causes you a problem and it’s incredibly difficult to find that peace.  There could be other things that cause you to lose your peace.  Peace is a wonderful gift and without it, you seem to be unable to function.

Do you want peace in your life?  What is out of whack in your life?  It doesn’t have to be just one thing that is causing the problem and making you lose your peace.  There can be one or more.  

Fortunately for me today, there was only overriding fact that was causing my difficulty.  And now that I have taken my tablets, I feel so much better both mentally and emotionally and am calmly waiting for my body to return to where it should be.

Having said all that, peace is something to acquire both in sickness and in health.  Looking at what the problem is and fixing it if you can or knowing a plan of action for dealing with it will help bring peace back into your life.

So how are you going to bring peace back into your life again?


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I have a Dream – Martin Luther King Jr.

I have a dream. Not the one that Martin Luther King Jr had, but one of my own. There are so many dreams that you have as a child – some that are almost impossible (like becoming a princess) and others that are more realistic, like becoming a nurse or doctor.

However, childhood dreams do not always come to pass. And sometimes those dreams grow and morph into something else entirely. Does that mean it is wrong to dream as a child? Should you stop your children dreaming? Of course not! Dreams help the creativity side of a child develop and you never know where they could end up in life.

One of my dreams as a child was to be a ballet dancer. We took classes when I was small – can’t remember how old I was, but it was discovered very quickly that I did not possess the coordination or the height needed to become one. So that idea I had of myself was never going to come to pass.

I also wanted to have a horse of my own and ride it but that was equally unrealistic. I believe it was in my pre-teen years that I learned to ride. This I was good at and enjoyed it but again it was not sustainable as a career for me.

You probably had your own ideas of what you wanted to be when you grew up. And probably, like me, a number of different things that were unrealistic in your circumstances or way of life. But that’s ok. We need to have these dreams or visions to help us form our imagination or creative side of our brains.

As you get older, you learn what is possible and probable in your life. You don’t have to stay stagnant in what you do, but can grow and develop yourself as you go through different situations and circumstances.

However, one thing is necessary and many think of it as uncomfortable to mention – you have to mourn or grieve the impossible life you imagined in your youth or young adulthood. People don’t like to talk about it, but it’s a necessary part of learning to accept yourself and your situation as you are.

Now this doesn’t mean that you have to settle for what you have in the present. You can still have a dream or a vision for your future. For many years, I thought my vision was just going to fall in my lap at the right time. But it’s not going to be like that. You have to work at getting it set up so that you will be ready when the time comes for its fruition.

When you have a dream or vision for your future, it needs to be realistic but push you out of your comfort zone. For example, if you say you want to make a million dollars by the end of the year by winning the lottery, it COULD happen but it’s highly unlikely to happen. If you said you wanted to make an extra hundred dollars by doing some extra or different work to your normal job, that is much more realistic and you are capable of achieving it if you plan and work at getting it done.

There is more to life than where you are at time moment. Are you going to prepare yourself for what you dream about? Or will you sit where you are and say it should come to pass on its own without me working for it? You have the choice to make it happen or not.


The dreams you have as a child
Are not always meant to come to pass
Some of them will come true
But your life will be transformed.

You think you will do many things
Imagining things that bring forth dreams
And not considering what you have
Or your life now as an adult.

So many things I wanted to be
But my life path has been different
I went down a stranger road
Than the one I had imagined.

However, some dreams do come true
And you find your life made whole
They may be unexpected
But you can make a happy life.

Take your ideas and see what happens
Which ones you can bring forth
They will mark your way in life
And complete you totally.