Do you control it OR does it control you?

Does it control you OR do you control it?

Does it control you or do you control it. Interesting statement. I cannot take credit for the blogpost – it came from a friend of mine who has known me for over 20 years.

Instantly in my mind came a graphic picture of two elements warring against each other, both determined to win but the victory undecided. In fact, it’s the one above this post here. So we chatted about it and I was saying I was going to create it and here it is!

You see, it doesn’t refer to a particular situation or circumstance, it can apply to anything. However, if you took this and used this to make people do just as you wanted, then that would be an inappropriate usage of the power that is within that statement. Control of one human being over another is wrong, no matter WHAT the circumstances.

Pondering is quite illuminating sometimes and I started to ponder on this. How would I be if I chose this in every situation in my life? How would this then impact my family? You see, we are all linked together and could never live on an island alone, without help, without food or without clothing and without drink?

But I am talking of my immediate family. I am going to be shaking the way we live and yes, it involves a number of changes. I know it won’t be easy, but we can get through it together as a family and yes, that’s important because Johnathan is moving up in life and some things need to change now that he is coming up to school age.

But then I thought what do I need to do for myself? I have been talking about self-care but relating that to just being a mindless person watching endless tv…so far removed from what it ACTUALLY is.

Has it got to the stage of controlling me? Not quite yet and it won’t! Sometimes you just need a little push to realise who you are and what you are intended to do on this earth. Your purpose for living hasn’t expired yet – if it had, you wouldn’t be here yourself!

I’ve had some knocks in the last couple of months, but that’s ok. It doesn’t matter if you need to take time to recover from things or the shock of them. Get yourselves out there again like me and go get those goals!

I heard or read a story (I can’t remember where) that a stonemason was sitting by the side of the road hitting a rock. A child was observing each thwack of the tools as the stonemason continued his work. Finally, he said to the stonemason “which thwack of the hammer breaks the stone you are working on?” The stonemason replied that it wasn’t the first one or the last one, or all the ones in between. It was all of them TOGETHER that created the crack which split the stone.” So don’t forget the little steps that got you to where you are.

So my question to you is…..Does it control you or do you control it?

Control

Control, control who has control?
Is it me or is it you?
Life continues as it is
Or changes as it goes.

All the different things in life
Control can be unusual
You didn’t think it mattered
But you did not have control.

There are so many things in life
Where you think you have control
But do you know what happens
When it controls your mind.

Today I want what’s best for you
And give your life some freedom
What you believe will change your life
If only you will live it.

Encouragement and limiting beliefs

There are times you need encouragement to help you stop living with limiting beliefs. Changing your mindset is not an easy thing to do so if you have someone supporting you to do it, that really helps.

To be honest with you, everyone benefits from help and support in whatever they do. I believe it is always good to try and encourage people if you can because you have no idea what they have been going through in a day.

One of my limiting beliefs that has caused quite a lot of self-sabotaging has been that I cannot complete something I start, especially if it is something artistic or craft oriented. The trouble is, I often start any projects I wish to complete with a negative mindset. This is something that causes me to sabotage projects subconsciously.

In the end, I start doing things and don’t complete them. This is not a good way to function in life. Perfectionist tendencies don’t help either. I want to complete things and do them without a mistake. However, this is not realistic.

Children watch everything you do and I don’t want my son not accepting completing something because it isn’t perfect. He needs to be shown that finishing tasks is important. I don’t want him to cultivate a limited mindset because I haven’t developed a growth mindset in myself.

Encouragement I would say is the backbone of being able to change your way of living and core beliefs inside yourself. If you cannot encourage yourself with your inner talk, then maybe you need someone on the outside to help you.

One of my friends said to me to look at it as though I am winning every time I complete a row of knitting or do something else that I would like to achieve. This has actually helped me to feel that I am doing something positive and creative at the same time. I can see the knitting grow as I work at it. No, it doesn’t look totally utterly perfect but it IS good enough.

Some things need practice and will develop slower in your life than others. And that’s ok. Not all your limiting beliefs will be transformed in an instant. But by working on them and either being your own cheerleader or having someone else to support you will really help things to be different in your life.

How you view yourself in life

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How you view yourself is vitally important to the way you live your life. Sometimes it is important to stop and examine the thoughts you have about yourself and see if they are helping or hindering you.

This is not something I had really considered doing. When I moved to Scotland, I had a large number of limiting beliefs that held me back from developing, growing and changing in my life. The foremost and only thought of my mind I can remember at that time was that no matter what I did, nothing would work.

As I have started moving towards the future vision of what we want to do with our lives, I am beginning to discover certain thought patterns that have dictated I stay back in the box I put myself into in the first place.

Some people want to stay exactly as they are and not have to change, develop and grow. But life is not static. You are constantly finding things that change your perceived path in life. Babies grow up, your years on the earth change you and sometimes your road in life is a rocky one and seemingly unstable.

Yesterday one of my friends told me that I was believing and propagating a belief that would hold me back if I didn’t stop it. When I thought about it, I realised that she was correct and I needed to change the way I was thinking.

I have written about self-sabotaging behaviour in the past and sometimes the beliefs we hold cause us to self-sabotage. This is not the way I want to live and maybe you don’t either. So many times people tell me I can do or be something and I hold back. Not because they are necessarily wrong but I don’t believe what they are saying. And yet here I am having actually taken courses to begin to be able to volunteer to help others – something I NEVER thought I could do.

If you find that you are stuck in a particular place or way, then it is time you look at yourself closely and examine whether what you are doing confirms something negative or positive in your life. If your thoughts are hindering you moving into what you truly are, why not start to change them?

I want things to be positive in my life and to stop believing bad things about myself, and I am sure you do too. Limiting beliefs can hold you back in so many ways. How you see yourself brings out a certain pattern of behaviour that you may not even realise you are doing.

Just because you have lived a certain way all your life doesn’t mean you have to stay there. You can make a change, even if it is just a small one every day. Baby steps all the way. Being grateful for what we have is a good place to start. To that end, I have tried to post a grateful comment every day on my personal page.

As life changes and brings us challenges we never anticipated, we can meet them with either a positive or negative attitude. I’m not saying that everything can be met with a positive attitude in life straight away – that is unrealistic, but you can attempt to see the good in things, even if they are bad. We have five children in heaven and yes, they are some of the hardest episodes of our lives but we are trying to make good come from bad and write a book to other parents going through babyloss themselves.

So let’s return to where we started. It’s how you view yourself in life and how that impacts you and the others around you. I’m not saying I get all this right because nobody can. What I want you to think about is how you view yourself and your life. Does it keep you stuck where you are or do you need to change the sound and voice of the limiting beliefs you hold?
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Self-sabotaging behaviour

Today I would like to talk about self-sabotaging behaviour. I have found it happened quite a lot of times throughout my life and I am sure it has happened to you too.

This is not something that people like to discuss but is relevant to a lot of us. One of the things I did was sabotage my craft work. I wanted it to be fantastic but would make mistakes that I was unable to rectify and it made me think I was totally incapable. It took me some time to see that I self-sabotaged because I didn’t want to admit I did it or face the need to change.

You know what? Change is possible in your life. It’s not an easy path to follow but you are capable of doing so. Facing up to challenges that emerge for all of us is difficult. I’m not going to lie to you.

If you decide you want to see a difference in your situation, you have to take action yourself. Nobody can do it for you. Facing up to the reality of your self-sabotaging calls for a change in you.

For me, I like things to be perfect. Now, that is never always possible because we are all a work in progress. I heard or read somewhere that ceramics used to be mended using gold. This made the vase or plate or whatever it was useful again and more beautiful than ever.

We too can be broken in some ways and need fixing from the problems of the past. However, inside us, our natural response is self-sabotaging behaviour. For me, I lose confidence in my ability to do things and so sabotage myself without realising it.

Someone pointed out to me on Friday that I might have fallen into an old pattern of thinking and she was right. As things had got difficult and needed my attention, I forgot to do real self-care. I was just sitting watching shows mindlessly and forgetting that my soul needs refreshing and I needed some time to refresh and renew myself. I was just letting negative thoughts flash through my mind and not challenging them. I was starting to think I was incapable of functioning as a wife and mother because of my disabilities. This pattern of thinking was destructive and I was beginning to feel really depressed. Once she said it, I suddenly clicked what was happening and was able to snap out of it.

In the past I have sabotaged myself through fear of consequences if I didn’t. This is not the way to live at all. I began thinking there was no reason to try at things because I would always get it wrong while other people would always get it right. It set up a destructive pattern of belief within me that needed to be challenged before I could begin the process of change. You cannot change something you don’t recognise.

The core beliefs that you hold, that were created when you were a child can either be positive or negative. If they are not helpful to you, recognising and changing them will produce a massive difference in your life.

Did you know that this was even possible to do? You need to begin telling yourself a different story and setting up new patterns of behaviour in your life so that you stop self-sabotaging. When you face up to this process, one way to begin creating what you need is to write down all the reasons why you are not what your mind is telling you and look at the facts of HOW you are different now.

I left a situation that I wasn’t happy in and decided on the massive change to drive over 400 miles to create a new and different life. I’m not saying you have to copy me in this, but sometimes it is necessary. You can self-sabotage even in moving because you hanker after the old life and think you had it all in your past whereas in reality you did not. You have to be willing to change everything if you want to create a new existence for yourself.

Your life can be different, but you need to make the choice to change it. If you see self sabotaging behaviour in yourself, you can begin to change it. This is possible but you need to recognise the problem, believe it can be changed and take action.