change, different, lifestyle, limiting beliefs, mindset, Thoughts, view

Limiting beliefs and mindset

People tend to have either a fixed or growth mindset and if it is a fixed one they often lead to holding limiting beliefs. Changing these are not easy because you may not even notice them and the fact that they stop you developing and growing.

When we want to improve our lives in any way, these beliefs can prevent this from happening. I personally didn’t realise they were there and was surprised to find so many of them. In fact, as time goes on, I am discovering more of them. Changing them is not as easy as just saying you want to. It requires a lot of hard work to do so. The reason is because these beliefs are deeply held and we often don’t recognise them either.

For example I thought I couldn’t do digital artwork. I found the whole thought of using a computer or ipad to create art contrary to what I believed. I had seen that artists could use ipads on the television but didn’t believe it was something I could do. Then one day Kevin showed me an app I found easy to use and enjoyed. Suddenly I realised I was actually doing digital art. Now I have the “evidence” to prove to myself that I can do it.

Sometimes the limiting belief is so deeply hidden inside yourself that it is hard to find. Working things out with other people can be helpful in doing so. Or maybe even journalling to understand yourself and be able to work things out.

Discovering what your beliefs are can be enlightening. You need to recognise what they are in order to be able to change them. And you have to understand that this is not a one-time experience but an ongoing challenge.

The fixed mindset holds you back but as you begin to tackle each limiting belief, you will find things changing for you. Every effort you make will now not be sabotaged as you make a different life for yourself and it will impact others around you too. They will see how things are improving and your attitude will be more positive as you develop and grow.

Looking at our limiting beliefs and beginning to change them will improve our lives. I am by no means an expert in doing this myself, but am on the journey to discovering them and how to develop a growth mindset instead.

You can make your passage through life better and easier by beginning to change as you see the contrast between the old and new you. The fixed mindset would have never believed you could do what you are doing now, but the growth mindset encourages you to keep growing and developing and understands that it is a constant progress through life and that your path is never static but always progressing.

So what are you going to do? Look at your life and discover change and growth? Or stay where you are and stagnate? You CAN develop a growth mindset and if you want to take this journey with me, I would be delighted to hear from you. Leave me a comment here or contact me via email at anika@anikasheartandcrafts.com.

Acceptance, Attitude, change, High expectations, lifestyle

High Expectations and Acceptance

It is good to have high expectations for both yourself and others around you. This helps you by having something to aim for and encourages you to do well.

But is there a time when high expectations can prove to be more of a hindrance than a help? I think it depends on the character of the person. Some people find high expectations to be too overwhelming and so they give up before they have even tried. For years I believed others were more capable than me and I would never reach their level of expertise in any area so I gave up. This was detrimental to me reaching any goals.

Sometimes you have to realise that you won’t have the impetus to move forward. This could be for a number of reasons. Maybe you are not ready to make the changes to reach your full potential or it could simply be that you are satisfied with where you are right now or something else entirely. If you want to change, looking at why you are not could be a perfect thing to do.

For me, I have a long term goal that we are aiming for as a family. I had thought the goal would just happen somehow someway and everything would work out. However, life is simply not like that. If you have a goal, vision or dream you need to work towards it. Maybe you need training, maybe you need to do something you have never done before.

You don’t reach a point of competence or expertise by doing nothing to get where you want to go. You have to change and develop and grow. If you don’t have high expectations of yourself and take the time to find out the steps you need to take to get where you want to go, you’ll never reach it.

Let me give you an example – if your goal is to be fit enough to run a marathon, you don’t go out and get a pair of running shoes and the next day go run one. Running marathons wearing the correct outfit is part of completing it but you also have to take time and preparation to get there. Yes, have the high expectation of yourself that you can do it, but be realistic and accept you won’t be running a marathon tomorrow.

There will be times you want to give up on your end goal. Knowing WHY you want to do something at this point will really help you. Also, you will need to look at your life and see if you are truly practicing the self-care that will support you in your aims to reach the goal. I have realised that not every form of self-care is appropriate for the stage of life you are at. For example, when I was really poorly, just having the television on and allowing programmes to wash over me without doing anything was ideal, but now I am doing better, things like journalling and getting out of the house is more important and what I need.

If you find it hard to take the steps to make your goals happen, one thing that might help is someone you are accountable to. There are lots of ways to do this. Some people have the drive to do things themselves and if that’s you, set the goals and go for it! Whatever way you pick, you need to know that it will work for you.

High expectations and acceptance run side by side. You just need to be careful or aware of where you have high expectations and plan ahead to get there. Being realistic in your abilities while expecting you can improve and develop and grow them is the wisest thing. Circumstances can come up that are unplanned for so make sure whatever steps you take, this is accounted for, too and don’t be afraid to move deadlines if that becomes necessary.

challenges, change, lifestyle, self-sabotage, Thoughts

Self-sabotaging behaviour

Today I would like to talk about self-sabotaging behaviour. I have found it happened quite a lot of times throughout my life and I am sure it has happened to you too.

This is not something that people like to discuss but is relevant to a lot of us. One of the things I did was sabotage my craft work. I wanted it to be fantastic but would make mistakes that I was unable to rectify and it made me think I was totally incapable. It took me some time to see that I self-sabotaged because I didn’t want to admit I did it or face the need to change.

You know what? Change is possible in your life. It’s not an easy path to follow but you are capable of doing so. Facing up to challenges that emerge for all of us is difficult. I’m not going to lie to you.

If you decide you want to see a difference in your situation, you have to take action yourself. Nobody can do it for you. Facing up to the reality of your self-sabotaging calls for a change in you.

For me, I like things to be perfect. Now, that is never always possible because we are all a work in progress. I heard or read somewhere that ceramics used to be mended using gold. This made the vase or plate or whatever it was useful again and more beautiful than ever.

We too can be broken in some ways and need fixing from the problems of the past. However, inside us, our natural response is self-sabotaging behaviour. For me, I lose confidence in my ability to do things and so sabotage myself without realising it.

Someone pointed out to me on Friday that I might have fallen into an old pattern of thinking and she was right. As things had got difficult and needed my attention, I forgot to do real self-care. I was just sitting watching shows mindlessly and forgetting that my soul needs refreshing and I needed some time to refresh and renew myself. I was just letting negative thoughts flash through my mind and not challenging them. I was starting to think I was incapable of functioning as a wife and mother because of my disabilities. This pattern of thinking was destructive and I was beginning to feel really depressed. Once she said it, I suddenly clicked what was happening and was able to snap out of it.

In the past I have sabotaged myself through fear of consequences if I didn’t. This is not the way to live at all. I began thinking there was no reason to try at things because I would always get it wrong while other people would always get it right. It set up a destructive pattern of belief within me that needed to be challenged before I could begin the process of change. You cannot change something you don’t recognise.

The core beliefs that you hold, that were created when you were a child can either be positive or negative. If they are not helpful to you, recognising and changing them will produce a massive difference in your life.

Did you know that this was even possible to do? You need to begin telling yourself a different story and setting up new patterns of behaviour in your life so that you stop self-sabotaging. When you face up to this process, one way to begin creating what you need is to write down all the reasons why you are not what your mind is telling you and look at the facts of HOW you are different now.

I left a situation that I wasn’t happy in and decided on the massive change to drive over 400 miles to create a new and different life. I’m not saying you have to copy me in this, but sometimes it is necessary. You can self-sabotage even in moving because you hanker after the old life and think you had it all in your past whereas in reality you did not. You have to be willing to change everything if you want to create a new existence for yourself.

Your life can be different, but you need to make the choice to change it. If you see self sabotaging behaviour in yourself, you can begin to change it. This is possible but you need to recognise the problem, believe it can be changed and take action.