Limiting beliefs and mindset

People tend to have either a fixed or growth mindset and if it is a fixed one they often lead to holding limiting beliefs. Changing these are not easy because you may not even notice them and the fact that they stop you developing and growing.

When we want to improve our lives in any way, these beliefs can prevent this from happening. I personally didn’t realise they were there and was surprised to find so many of them. In fact, as time goes on, I am discovering more of them. Changing them is not as easy as just saying you want to. It requires a lot of hard work to do so. The reason is because these beliefs are deeply held and we often don’t recognise them either.

For example I thought I couldn’t do digital artwork. I found the whole thought of using a computer or ipad to create art contrary to what I believed. I had seen that artists could use ipads on the television but didn’t believe it was something I could do. Then one day Kevin showed me an app I found easy to use and enjoyed. Suddenly I realised I was actually doing digital art. Now I have the “evidence” to prove to myself that I can do it.

Sometimes the limiting belief is so deeply hidden inside yourself that it is hard to find. Working things out with other people can be helpful in doing so. Or maybe even journalling to understand yourself and be able to work things out.

Discovering what your beliefs are can be enlightening. You need to recognise what they are in order to be able to change them. And you have to understand that this is not a one-time experience but an ongoing challenge.

The fixed mindset holds you back but as you begin to tackle each limiting belief, you will find things changing for you. Every effort you make will now not be sabotaged as you make a different life for yourself and it will impact others around you too. They will see how things are improving and your attitude will be more positive as you develop and grow.

Looking at our limiting beliefs and beginning to change them will improve our lives. I am by no means an expert in doing this myself, but am on the journey to discovering them and how to develop a growth mindset instead.

You can make your passage through life better and easier by beginning to change as you see the contrast between the old and new you. The fixed mindset would have never believed you could do what you are doing now, but the growth mindset encourages you to keep growing and developing and understands that it is a constant progress through life and that your path is never static but always progressing.

So what are you going to do? Look at your life and discover change and growth? Or stay where you are and stagnate? You CAN develop a growth mindset and if you want to take this journey with me, I would be delighted to hear from you. Leave me a comment here or contact me via email at anika@anikasheartandcrafts.com.

How you view yourself in life

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How you view yourself is vitally important to the way you live your life. Sometimes it is important to stop and examine the thoughts you have about yourself and see if they are helping or hindering you.

This is not something I had really considered doing. When I moved to Scotland, I had a large number of limiting beliefs that held me back from developing, growing and changing in my life. The foremost and only thought of my mind I can remember at that time was that no matter what I did, nothing would work.

As I have started moving towards the future vision of what we want to do with our lives, I am beginning to discover certain thought patterns that have dictated I stay back in the box I put myself into in the first place.

Some people want to stay exactly as they are and not have to change, develop and grow. But life is not static. You are constantly finding things that change your perceived path in life. Babies grow up, your years on the earth change you and sometimes your road in life is a rocky one and seemingly unstable.

Yesterday one of my friends told me that I was believing and propagating a belief that would hold me back if I didn’t stop it. When I thought about it, I realised that she was correct and I needed to change the way I was thinking.

I have written about self-sabotaging behaviour in the past and sometimes the beliefs we hold cause us to self-sabotage. This is not the way I want to live and maybe you don’t either. So many times people tell me I can do or be something and I hold back. Not because they are necessarily wrong but I don’t believe what they are saying. And yet here I am having actually taken courses to begin to be able to volunteer to help others – something I NEVER thought I could do.

If you find that you are stuck in a particular place or way, then it is time you look at yourself closely and examine whether what you are doing confirms something negative or positive in your life. If your thoughts are hindering you moving into what you truly are, why not start to change them?

I want things to be positive in my life and to stop believing bad things about myself, and I am sure you do too. Limiting beliefs can hold you back in so many ways. How you see yourself brings out a certain pattern of behaviour that you may not even realise you are doing.

Just because you have lived a certain way all your life doesn’t mean you have to stay there. You can make a change, even if it is just a small one every day. Baby steps all the way. Being grateful for what we have is a good place to start. To that end, I have tried to post a grateful comment every day on my personal page.

As life changes and brings us challenges we never anticipated, we can meet them with either a positive or negative attitude. I’m not saying that everything can be met with a positive attitude in life straight away – that is unrealistic, but you can attempt to see the good in things, even if they are bad. We have five children in heaven and yes, they are some of the hardest episodes of our lives but we are trying to make good come from bad and write a book to other parents going through babyloss themselves.

So let’s return to where we started. It’s how you view yourself in life and how that impacts you and the others around you. I’m not saying I get all this right because nobody can. What I want you to think about is how you view yourself and your life. Does it keep you stuck where you are or do you need to change the sound and voice of the limiting beliefs you hold?
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Self-sabotaging behaviour

Today I would like to talk about self-sabotaging behaviour. I have found it happened quite a lot of times throughout my life and I am sure it has happened to you too.

This is not something that people like to discuss but is relevant to a lot of us. One of the things I did was sabotage my craft work. I wanted it to be fantastic but would make mistakes that I was unable to rectify and it made me think I was totally incapable. It took me some time to see that I self-sabotaged because I didn’t want to admit I did it or face the need to change.

You know what? Change is possible in your life. It’s not an easy path to follow but you are capable of doing so. Facing up to challenges that emerge for all of us is difficult. I’m not going to lie to you.

If you decide you want to see a difference in your situation, you have to take action yourself. Nobody can do it for you. Facing up to the reality of your self-sabotaging calls for a change in you.

For me, I like things to be perfect. Now, that is never always possible because we are all a work in progress. I heard or read somewhere that ceramics used to be mended using gold. This made the vase or plate or whatever it was useful again and more beautiful than ever.

We too can be broken in some ways and need fixing from the problems of the past. However, inside us, our natural response is self-sabotaging behaviour. For me, I lose confidence in my ability to do things and so sabotage myself without realising it.

Someone pointed out to me on Friday that I might have fallen into an old pattern of thinking and she was right. As things had got difficult and needed my attention, I forgot to do real self-care. I was just sitting watching shows mindlessly and forgetting that my soul needs refreshing and I needed some time to refresh and renew myself. I was just letting negative thoughts flash through my mind and not challenging them. I was starting to think I was incapable of functioning as a wife and mother because of my disabilities. This pattern of thinking was destructive and I was beginning to feel really depressed. Once she said it, I suddenly clicked what was happening and was able to snap out of it.

In the past I have sabotaged myself through fear of consequences if I didn’t. This is not the way to live at all. I began thinking there was no reason to try at things because I would always get it wrong while other people would always get it right. It set up a destructive pattern of belief within me that needed to be challenged before I could begin the process of change. You cannot change something you don’t recognise.

The core beliefs that you hold, that were created when you were a child can either be positive or negative. If they are not helpful to you, recognising and changing them will produce a massive difference in your life.

Did you know that this was even possible to do? You need to begin telling yourself a different story and setting up new patterns of behaviour in your life so that you stop self-sabotaging. When you face up to this process, one way to begin creating what you need is to write down all the reasons why you are not what your mind is telling you and look at the facts of HOW you are different now.

I left a situation that I wasn’t happy in and decided on the massive change to drive over 400 miles to create a new and different life. I’m not saying you have to copy me in this, but sometimes it is necessary. You can self-sabotage even in moving because you hanker after the old life and think you had it all in your past whereas in reality you did not. You have to be willing to change everything if you want to create a new existence for yourself.

Your life can be different, but you need to make the choice to change it. If you see self sabotaging behaviour in yourself, you can begin to change it. This is possible but you need to recognise the problem, believe it can be changed and take action.

Thoughts on attitude and impressions

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I went on a training course at the weekend and was pleasantly surprised by the experience. Sometimes when you are at courses, it is just boring information thrown at you. Other times it is extremely enjoyable, even if you know a lot of what they are going to say.

When something like this occurs, it can make you think. My thoughts were wondering what on earth made the difference. I mean, I knew in general what they were going to say, but enjoying it? Why? What was it that made the difference? I spent some time thinking about and pondering this situation.

Then as I was talking to someone on facebook about this at the weekend, I was trying to pin down exactly what made the difference in the situation. What was it? I had heard or read most of the information before, and some of this should have been dry or boring, but wasn’t.

So often I find myself judged before people get to know me because they see the wheelchair rather than the person. Just because people are in a wheelchair doesn’t mean they are completely incapable both mentally and physically. If one of my carers are with me, I have many times discovered I am completely ignored.

Admittedly, Kevin and I are comparatively young to be in wheelchairs. That doesn’t mean we should be ignored if another person is with us. If Johnathan accompanies us, generally we get smiles and greetings.

During the weekend’s training course, the impact on me was phenomenal. The women in the group didn’t see the chair, but ME as a person with a valid background and reason to be there. And they welcomed my contribution. I felt validated, valued and exhilarated.

In contrast to this, I saw someone who looked specifically at my chair and made an instant judgement about me. Immediately, I felt ill at ease, unsettled and unimportant. There were bags hanging off the chair with things I might have needed. I must have looked like a bag lady, but that didn’t mean I was incapable of knowing what was going on or making a decision.

At the end of the day, in spite of how some people instantly see you, that doesn’t make their snap decision or judgement right. On the other hand, you can make snap decisions or judgements about others, too. Maybe it is about withholding judgement until you start getting to know others.

Of course, if there are some people you know instantly in your gut something is wrong, then you need to follow that guidance. We have these instincts for a reason. If we don’t follow them, we can end up in situations that are excessively uncomfortable.

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